Working Around the What-If’s

Ever wondered what keeps your spirits soaring and a light jump in your step when you walk … is it love, confidence or support… or probably a care-not attitude?

As I muddled through my household chores today, my mind was on a whirlwind tour of its own, observing as though a scene unfold in a movie while the tiny bird called life flew past. Kids are busy studying and though I oversee their progress, there’s not much I can do there now because they are exerting their “independent thought processes”, as though moms ever understood that … I don’t, for one, and I still push my way into their cupboards, bags, homework, friendships … well everything they allow me just so that I always remain a part of their lives!

Today was different. It was probably a bad dream that triggered it but somewhere within the almond shaped amygdala in my brain a tiny doubt arose. What if I don’t deserve what I have? Is this home that I’ve built, the children with their constant demands on my affectionate attention, their father who is the love of my life, my writings, the funny low pitched songs that I hum to myself, my potted plants, all that’s around me under the blue sky … is it truly mine? Can I lay a claim on anything that says, “I own this”.

Eyes wide, the thought hung on thin air… Nope! After all nothing is permanent, not even life. Slumped my shoulders as I mulled within. Never in my wildest dreams had I thought of myself as someone weakened by the emotions but something as temporary as a thought like this was shaking me inside with a fear unknown.

As my throat clogged, a thought raced like an arrow though me.
What if all this was a dream?

“Ma, come on get ready quickly or you’ll make us late for school today!” Hustled my younger one. “I’ve packed the snack box Mumma,” said my elder one. Both teenagers ready to help as they could see their mom dithering on the verge of another emotional precipice.

These events or moments of what ifs are not uncommon. They form a larger part of growing or letting go scenarios among a multitude of us.
They can also make you feel closer to that which can make you smile while your heart skips a beat. This is possible only if you allow a bit of self love & focussed introspection.

So that’s just what I did there and then. Looking at the faces of my children, it took only a moment of hesitation followed by a calm acceptance to let go of my stress and worries. If it wasn’t meant for me, why was I there in that point in the universe.

Since I am very much present here, it’s my burden… light or heavy is the choice I need to make, that’s all.

As I smiled at them, it felt like a load just fell off my shoulders. Together we ran out of the house towards our destination.

It’s not that easy every time and for everyone. The what-ifs form a broad bane of self doubt that are hard to accept initially. But once you accept and focus on moving forward despite the doubts, they loose weight. It is possible! All you need is the caring attention of your loved ones. And just in case you are on your own, then all the more, you need to focus on self. After all no one gets to live the same life twice. It’s your one chance called Being Alive. So drop those heavy weights because they’ll just drag you down.

Find a hobby, or help someone smile.
Feel needed, if not around people,
around pets, or around nature.
Do gardening. Painting. Music.
Anything that diverts your attention
from self pity towards self love.
Once you do that, dropping off those heavy what-ifs will be much easier !

So cheers to happy & healthy living !

Just like a rain lily blooms in the onslaught of showers, may you always find strength within & around to bloom into a life well-lived !